Daniel Andrew Boyd
1 min readNov 18, 2023

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In large part I bring this up because I enjoyed the piece so much.

"more than words ever could. And, for the first time in forever, I feel like someone cares."

More than words is cliche and the image of your moms tears is stronger without it. Just hold the scene or go deeper in those moments without explaining them.

The next sentence isn't true given what you've said prior. There's actually a different feeling you're trying to express. You have scenes of your mom caring for you. AND she's asked before. And she's given you space when you needed it.

The whole reason you didn't tell her is precisely because you know she cares about you so much.

Going into the complicated feeling and being precise is what I'd like to see you do more of in the future.

This is a great story, and it's worth telling again from different angles. You could spend 1k words just sitting in the principal's office. It would be riviting.

Thanks for sharing this with the world.

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Daniel Andrew Boyd
Daniel Andrew Boyd

Written by Daniel Andrew Boyd

Nice to internet meet you. | Named after an Irish ballad, destined to spit yarn & listen to you with delight. Subscribe & I'll email you a storytelling guide!

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